Are You Sabotaging Dates?

Are you sabotaging dates? Do you run through a battery of questions and tell your date what you’re looking for on a first date? Or, do you talk about your EX at nauseum?

Some suggest that you should be completely honest about all past relationships out of the gate. They also tell you that if you’re serious about marriage and children, you should put that on the table on Date #1 as well. The theory is that you don’t want to waste time and if your “honesty” frightens them off, then they not right for you.

This is WRONG. Dead wrong.

If you lay everything on the table on date one, you’re sabotaging the dating process and leaving nothing to the imagination and instilling too much seriousness. Dating is supposed to be fun and lighthearted in the beginning. If you treat the date like a job interview, or therapy session, who would want to get to know you better?

You know what a first date is for? It’s for FUN. It’s for you to get a better sense of me and whether I’m a solid catch, it’s for me to determine if we’ve got some attraction and easy conversation – and it’s for both of us to determine whether there’s enough potential to meet for a second date. That’s all.

When you introduce concepts like marriage, kids, religion, politics, money trying to ensure that the person across from you is a good long-term prospect, you essentially turn from a pleasant, fun, likable person… into “The Interrogator”. Or maybe you have turned the date into a therapy session. This is also a complete turnoff! Who wants to be with someone who can’t stop talking about their Ex?

If you want to get to the second date, lighten up and enjoy the ride. The first date should be about you getting to know each other. Learn about your interests, hobbies, favorite travel spots, etc. not about your 5 year plan. Let that evolve naturally.